Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize