I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
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I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
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Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize