im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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