either way he was missing a nipple.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
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Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
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the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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