i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Randomize
