i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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