..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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