I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
