Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
