omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
