well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
