return my video game
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
