youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
