ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
