its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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