I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
