Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You took a bar mat shot.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
