a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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