i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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