you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
