I have demons in me.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
