I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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