Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
