i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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