Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
