Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
