i think my tv is drunk
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I think im going to throw up on grandma
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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