dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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