Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
