Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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