Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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