Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
