the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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