nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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