Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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