Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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