I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
