When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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