You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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