I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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