i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
soo... how was my night?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
