Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
