Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
