alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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