I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
