hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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