We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
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