We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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