I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
