You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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