So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Randomize
