A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
