Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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