my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
