If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
