There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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