What did we do last night that was yellow?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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