I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
