got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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