I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
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