Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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