Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Randomize
