i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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