There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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