i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
