peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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