Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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