she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
50% drunk capacity currently
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
