Can Purell be used as lube?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
