Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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