No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
